Dear 2012,
Hey there, to be honest.. This year was not the best year for me. I've gone through so many ups and downs and even made myself really confused. You offered this year to me and I kicked off this year with a bad start and ending doesn't look so pleasant. But who to blame? I do not want to blame this to anything or anyone.
Year 2012 would have been better and more beautiful if I managed it better, however, I have learned countless things that are now very precious and priceless to me. So I should thank you for this.
Ups and downs?
Quite a few.. I would say...
From minor to major in my life that I could never return 'em back for a long time.
It still comes with a pain and I, sometimes, do regret...
But you know what? I guess... I am still putting it as 'Guess' because it is uncertain ..yet.
I guess it's for the better and I shall take this gratefully.
Year by Year... I am getting older and older, however, looks like, I am growing up drastically.
Something has kicked my ass off really hard that totally woke me up and made me look back at so many things that I would never have done.
I lost my one.
I decided to lose more because I felt guilty and ashamed.
My self-esteem had told me to lose things when you could, however, my selfishness would not let 'em go.
Juggling with all the emotions that I've been going through is the hardest one of all.
'Supposed-to-be-the-best-season-of-the-year' was not the best to me after all and to some people around me. It had hit and affected them strongly that I wished I could hide somewhere for a while.
Silly of me...
Shutting my mind used to be the best defense for me because I did not need to show my feelings to people but before I realized too late, I found out that I was pushing people away ... people who care for me a lot.
Even my one.
Yes... my one...
I am reaching 27 years old, yet, I still feel like a kid all the time.
Time is unlimited but I could never return it back and sometimes I was chasing after it.
What Do I Do with my Life now?
It's a big Question now.
Going with the flow? but how long? how far?
My last respect to my one... I will do my best to make it worthy.
I shall not make it a waste on what we both decided.
But all I know is... It will take a long time to do so because of me being me.
I wanna slap myself even harder and make me stronger.
Time to stand on my feet and shall not look for a comfort zone any more.
I had the most comfortable zone in my life so far and I am grateful and happy with it.
Those times... I can never forget. They live in my heart but I am learning to move on.
They will burn my heart until I decide to pour water but, I shall keep 'em alive for a while.
is just a day apart and I am not ready to face it.
I am a bit afraid of the new year that I may screw up... being a coward.
Face it.
Hey, year 2012. (sounds cheesy but..yeah..) I do not think I can say a proper bye to you but all I know is, you are the one of the years that I would remember.
Here it comes, 2013.
One year older. Everything is one year older.
and here comes with my new diary.
Taking a tiny step to year 2013 with bare-feet.
Totally naked.
You know.... totally.
Cheers.
