Regret and Nervous

Another blood test this year. This time, I am more nervous that the previous one, and I really do feel shitty about myself.

Disgusting. What have I done. 

Right now, the only way I can get over this to pray and wait for the result. I will need to have my peaceful mind and be calm to receive the result. I am feeling very bad for my partner and myself.

Is this a punishment that I am getting after all these years?
I've not been taking care of myself and definitely careless about it.



My assumption tells me something and it all makes sense after all.
- coughing for a few months
- feeling tired and weak quite often.
- shit.
- shit.
- shit.

Really.

What have I done to myself.